it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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