Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
