the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
where are my eyebrows?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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