I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
