Betty ford says i'm here all night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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