I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
