Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize