your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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