i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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