Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize