the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
