There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
