im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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