I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
