MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
