When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
