I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize