how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
