is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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