His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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