For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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