Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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