we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
