Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
