He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
