it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
