well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
