you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
