i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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