In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
