OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
