I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
