I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
