Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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