margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize