should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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