is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
