Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
