You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
