You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
