I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
God, I missed his penis.
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