"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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