NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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