goodnight i made you a song goodbye
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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