Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
