2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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