I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
