I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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