You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
