he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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