new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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