Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize