I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
