used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
