i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
