Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
