More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
