Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize