Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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