you would pick up someone in the library
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize