i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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