I can text with my tongue
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
