Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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