So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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