i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
