Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
