Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
