so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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