the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're a waste of cheezeits
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
