ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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