Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
