If i come over, it means nothing
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
