I think my fart just growled at me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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