I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
COCAINE IS GR8
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